The smoke is thick.
The winter cold means the ger fires are being fueled by coal, which in turn brings air choked with dust and pollution.
A gray haze hangs heavy in the air, making it impossible to see into the distance.
I know the large, yellow building that houses the church and the mission center is in the midst of the smokey cloud and yet seeing it won't be possible until I've ventured into it.
"When the people saw the thunder and the lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, 'Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.'
Moses said to the people, 'Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.'
The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was."
-Exodus 20:18-21
So often I am the people of Exodus. So often it is my fear that enslaves me- that keeps me at a distance as I watch others travel forward into the Lord's presence because of their faith and belief.
I love that the author of Exodus describes where God dwelled as a place of "thick darkness."
So often walking forward to meet Him means meeting Christ in the places that scare us, that cannot be seen or understood beforehand and that often seem downright terrifying.
I long to be as Moses was, to meet the Lord in the thick darkness, to not stand paralyzed but to walk forward- in spite of the presence of fear within me.
I long to lay that fear down in the face of His presence- to allow it to be fearful awe and not paralyzing fear.
O Lord,
It is in the thick darkness that you grant us wisdom, where we might meet with you, hear your voice, your call, your instruction and your love.
May you lead me there my King. May this next year be about walking into the thick darkness.
Create in me a heart that can go to that place.
1 comments:
whoa.
i once had a professor of old testament who would translate the hebrew, most commonly rendered "behold," found in the story of creation when God would look upon the works of God's hands and deem them good as "whoa"- and she would say it with such awe, sincerity and love.
it is in this awe, sincerity and love that i utter whoa at your words my friend.
"I long to lay that fear down in the face of His presence- to allow it to be fearful awe and not paralyzing fear."
how striking indeed that the place where God's presence rests would be named the "thick darkness" and how this gives way to mystery, uncertainty and risk. how true that we are to tread on that holy ground, to meet Christ in forsaken, broken, and wounded places-places that present our worst fears. your prayer is beautiful and your words will be words that i hold close and dear.
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